Published January 13, 2014
To the Daily Sun
Welcome to another edition of Tea Party Potty Tricks brought to you by the Center for the Study of Absurdity. Let's start with Big-Religion and that means Pope Francis today. The Center has voted Pope Francis "Delight of the Year". The nerve of him to attack trickle down economics and consider the plight of the poor! Lead by the usual suspects in talk radio and Fake News, heads have exploded all over right wing world. Marxist!
Last time around we told you that GOP lawmakers were being told that in order to reach women one had to reach them on an emotional level. Really! But that is not all, our sources have discovered that this group of Neolithic geniuses is also being coached on empathy towards the unemployed. The problem with this plan is you can't fix sociopaths, just make them better pretenders
Winning our "dead, cold, stiff, and without a pulse" award this week is Senator Rand Paul who said unemployment benefit extensions do a disservice to workers. Yup, its got to be an awful disservice to get that check so you can feed your children and not get evicted or lose your car.
Joining the really crazy of late is the group, “America the next generation”, who called for lynching President Obama and creating a national holiday. Crazy is everywhere lately. Jim Garrow who has said Obama should be shot claims had a plan to nuke 90% of us so George Soros could make money. Now Garrow claims Obama's plan is to take over the US with the help of Canadians and extraterrestrials. Garrow also claims Obama is part of an Arab-Chinese-Communist conspiracy.
The American Taliban is now cheering Uganda's new "made in America" anti-gay law. Driven by Pastors Lou Engels, Scott Lively, and other Christian jihadists, the original law made homosexuality a capital offense. Now the max is life. Mercy Me! Lively is a man as anti-gay as Heinrich Himmler the day he created the Reich Central Office for the Combating of Homosexuality and Abortion in 1936. On healthcare, America's Ayatollah, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council is having fits because the LGBT community, who is disproportionately uninsured, is signing up for healthcare.
In a recent lecture by "Worst in Show" Professor Stephen Baskerville at Patrick Henry College, the professor claims that the reason that the jailing of rapists, child anusers, and spouse beaters has become problematic is - wait - the feminist agenda! Baskerville claims sexual harassment is harmless flirting and bullying is freedom of expression! But wait! Have no worries about those durned feminists because the House is back in session and Republicans have started the new year with — surprise! — a bunch of new abortion restrictions. Good luck with that in 2014!
Evangelist David Barton, known for his fictional revisions of US History now claims global warming is man made but not from what you think. Fossil Fuels, move over! God is angry about legal abortions so God is messing with our weather. Barton isn't the only scientific illiterate it seems. BYU's Geochemistr Professor Barry Bickmore, , an active Mormon & Republican recently said "Rush Limbaugh doesn't know anything about science". We knew that! It seems Rush claimed that liberals just invented the term "Polar Vortex". Heck, Rush has also said "heat index" was part of a liberal conspiracy.
Our "post racial America" prize goes to Ohio teacher Gil Voigt. Voigt was suspended without pay for telling an ambitious young African-American student that the country does “not need another black president." Suspension without pay is the first step towards termination.
There is good news for America's saner Republicans. The US Chamber of Commerce has set a GOP goal for 2014: "No fools on our ticket". I say good luck with that! ! But all is still not well with the Chamber. The Chamber is mad at Obama and thinks huge tax cuts for the rich will - presto! - lift us out of our economic troubles. Short term memory loss, anyone?
To the glee of the Dentists nationwide the religious right ground their teeth down to bridge-ready posts when Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson was disciplined by A&E. Several groups came to his defense - like Theodore Shoebat, an anti-gay, anti-Islam Howler who cited scriptures saying homosexuals were worthy of death. Predictably, America's self-appointed Tea-constitutional scholars were the last to realize the issue had nothing to do with the first amendment. It was business. But all is not bad for the diminished; they have a new hero, the Russian actor Ivan Okhlobystin, who, while giving a talk about spirituality, told listeners he wanted to burn all gays ALIVE in ovens.
Last but not least as we bid 2013 farewell is newly elected School board member Gregory Beck of Brookfield, Connecticut who resigned over a plan to pass out free ammo to honor Sandy Hook victims.
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